I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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