There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
