I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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