There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
