It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
