i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
