The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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