I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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