I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
