Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
