Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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