A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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