the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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