Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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