Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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