At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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