...so i touched it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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