I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.