I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet