By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now