Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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