you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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