I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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