Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
