I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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