the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
