I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
