ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
