my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
