Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize