remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
