There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize