What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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