My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
