Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
