Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
