she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
