Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
