For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
