i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
