As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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