She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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