I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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