Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All the doctor said was why
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
