im drinking this country out of the recession.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
