remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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