There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
