just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're too hungover to prance.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
