Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
