I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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