even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's like iHOP with fire
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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