FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
