i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
