i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
