Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
