i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
