dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
