Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
