Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
