my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
