Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
