10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
