Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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