I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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