its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
