Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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