Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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